This article is part of the Religious Freedom Reframed series, which is exploring perspectives on religious freedom that have historically been left out of public discourse, as well as implications for individuals, institutions, and society overall. In this series, authors will use a public justice framework to explore narratives that are traditionally left out of the conversation on religious freedom. This series is designed to introduce fresh perspectives, feature new voices, and examine historical and present injustices in the application of religious freedom. The Center for Public Justice, a Christian faith-based organization with a strong commitment to religious freedom, has intentionally invited authors from diverse faith traditions and perspectives on religious freedom to share their insights and experiences of religious freedom in the United States.
This is part two of an interview with Daisy Khan, the founder of Women’s Islamic Initiative for Spirituality and Equality (WISE). WISE is a faith-based organization advancing the rights of Muslim women. In this article, Khan elaborates on how the formation of WISE itself was both an enactment of religious freedom and of spiritual motherhood — a spiritual midwifing of a new civil society group into existence. In particular, we discuss how WISE understands Islamic spiritual principles with respect to motherhood, human dignity, and religious freedom.
BY DAISY KHAN AND CHELSEA LANGSTON BOMBINO
Chelsea Langston Bombino (CLB): Daisy, can you share a bit about your personal story with respect to faith and spiritual motherhood?
Daisy Khan (DK): I have had three miscarriages. Every time I found out I had miscarried, I was devastated. In my book, Born with Wings: The Spiritual Journey of a Modern Muslim Woman, I capture this time in my life:
I could not believe that I could not give birth to these children, nurture and teach them, ground them ethically…I felt challenged by the Hadith that says, ‘paradise lies at the feet of the mother.’ If so, why was God not letting me experience motherhood? Was I responsible for this tragedy? Was I paying for some unknown sins? Deep down, I knew I was not at fault. But how could this be God’s plan? I could not understand why God would not bless me with a child, but deep down, I knew I could not bear another loss, emotionally or physically.
I wondered if I was being left childless because God had another purpose. As I sought to make spiritual meaning of my childlessness, I turned to my sacred texts for guidance. The Quran states: “God grants whom he wills males and females, and He makes whom he wills barren.” (v42.50). Then I read somewhere that while having children is certainly a blessing, not having children is a mercy. I also sought solace in the stories of spiritual luminaries like Khadijah, the first wife of the Prophet Muhammad. Two of her six children died in infancy. I also turned to the story of Aisha, youngest wife of the Prophet, who never had children of her own. After her husband’s death, Aisha dedicated herself fully to spreading the Prophet’s spiritual teachings. She narrated over 2,210 Hadiths — sayings of the Prophet — related personal and spiritual topics. For her over four decades of spiritual stewardship after the Prophet’s death, she was called ‘Mother of the Believers.’ I believe God gives different blessings to different individuals and calls us to be content with what we are given to steward. My pregnancy losses were emotionally and physically challenging, but, as I wrote in my memoir:
They sewed another kind of seed. My four lost children could not have been in vain. They were meant to be even if they were not to be born. As I realized that God must have had a plan in sending and then recalling them, the tears dried on my cheeks. I could accept that I would not be a birth mother, difficult as that might be. What I could not accept was not having a purpose. I prayed intently for guidance and put all my faith in my creator. But instead of focusing only on my own narrow world, my work and my personal life, I turned outward, toward an entire community of young people. I would nurture them and help them grow. And I became, in this way, a mother of many.
Can you speak a little bit about how you understand motherhood in the context of your Islamic faith? Specifically, WISE has done work on how Islamic spiritual principles advance both religious/spiritual freedom and the rights of women. Can you elaborate?
I’ll just speak about motherhood because that's something that is a universal right: Everyone has a stake in the well-being of mothers. Everyone was born of a woman, and most women identify as mothers, whether of their own biological or adoptive children, or as spiritual mothers, nurturing other human lives, or midwifing other endeavors.
On the one hand, there are countries like the United States, where we may say motherhood is sacred: mothers give life. Yet our policies don’t align with this rhetoric. The United States is one of the only developed countries that completely lack federal paid family leave. The Quran states: “And We have enjoined upon man to do good to his parents. His mother bears him with trouble and she brings him forth in pain. And the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months.” (46:15) Women in the United States often return to work mere days or a few weeks after giving birth because they are not guaranteed access to paid family caregiving leave. This reality does not align with the Quranic principles of honoring mothers, and it certainly does not support the 24 months of breastfeeding that many Muslim women wish to undertake, if they are willing and able, as part of their commitment to Islamic teachings.
WISE advocates for public policies and cultural shifts that will better advance the rights of Muslim women to live out the fullness of their faith. In this way, a Muslim woman becoming a mother and nursing her child is an expression of her spiritual freedom and human rights. This freedom needs to be valued by legal and cultural systems. And then, on the other end of the extreme spectrum, many Muslims will tell you that motherhood is the primary role of the woman, because she is a nurturer and a giver of life. Some Muslims teach that, because a woman has the responsibility of feeding the child with her own body, she should have no external responsibilities that take her away from her primary role of sustaining her children.
So these are the two polarities that the American Muslim community constantly struggles with. And what I try to do through the work with WISE is to try to find a balance. We ask: What does the Quran really say about this? To build a consensus around any issue in Islam, the most authoritative source is the Quran, so if you can find a direct answer in the Quran, that is great. But that is not always possible. Then, if an issue is not specifically addressed in the Quran, we ask: What did the Prophet Muhammad say? Also, we consider the history of Muslim women as spiritual luminaries.
So how does the Quran, or other relevant Islamic spiritual texts or resources, reconcile the religious rights of Muslim women to carry out their role as mothers, and the religious rights of women to pursue paths beyond motherhood, including engagement in the public square?
The Quran clearly emphasizes and reveres the role mothers play in creation. I mean, a woman is entrusted to be a co-creator of humanity with God. For example, in Islam, if a woman dies in pregnancy and/or childbirth, she is considered a martyr because she is doing something for the sake of God. And so the Quran celebrates maternal status, both in the actual role of the mother and in all linguistic associations with mother, for instance.
The role of mother is so highly revered that we describe several people and objects of utmost importance in Islam as ‘the mother of.’ So, for example, Mecca is the mother of the cities. And, the wives of the prophets are referred to as mothers of the believers.
“Being a mother of many children and a mother of nations is directly connected in Islam and therefore, motherhood can itself be a public act, even a political one. ”
What is the role of the mother? She is essential in the development of society. She's responsible for raising healthy children, educating them about their religion and their surroundings. And, as a primary caregiver, she has to mold, nurture, educate her children. So, this is why we at WISE make the case that all girls and women have a right — based on religious freedom — to education. We believe that women have a religious right and responsibility to educate themselves, as they, in Islam, are considered the first and primary educators of their children within the home. And particularly, mothers in Islam are often the responsible for forming the faith of their young children. How can you leave her illiterate on faith if she is responsible for spiritually nourishing the next generation? How is she supposed to be illiterate in finances if she's managing the finances of the home?
Islam also support the rights of women in Islam to pursue paths other than motherhood. There is a dangerous social pathology that conflates women with only being a mother. But, the Quran actually classifies many women beyond motherhood and this is where we can have commonality as Christian women and Jewish women and Muslim women. The Quran itself shows the importance and work of the role of women outside of their roles as mothers. The wife of the Prophet had six children, but she also maintained a trading business and advocated for social justice. The Queen of Sheba ruled over the wealthiest nations before she conceived a child with King Solomon.
Maryam [Mary] is marked with characteristics of eternal perfection and prophetic dignity. Her story begins in the Quran not with the birth of Jesus but with her own birth. Her mother was certain that she would deliver a boy who would serve God, as men often did in the temples. The Quran describes the story, “When a woman (Mary's mother) of [the House of] Imran said, ‘My Lord! I dedicate what is in my womb entirely to Your service, so accept it from me. You alone are truly the All-Hearing, All-Knowing.’ When she delivered, she said, ‘My Lord! I have given birth to a girl,’—and God fully knew what she had delivered— “and the male is not like the female. I have named her Mary, and I seek Your protection for her and her offspring from Satan, the accursed.” (Q 3:35-6)
God chose a female to serve him by casting the 'Word of God' (Jesus) into the womb of Maryam, a virgin, who had to bear a child out of wedlock. Elsewhere in the Quran, it is explained that Mary's righteousness, steadfastness, and chastity made her fit to receive the breath of God into her womb (Q 66:12) and give birth to Jesus. Embodying the ideal of faith in God like no other, Maryam persisted through the hardship of carrying a child without a father, thus fulfilling her covenant with God. “And We made the son of Mary and his mother a sign and sheltered them within a high ground having level [areas] and flowing water.” (Q 23:50) After the birth of Jesus, the Quran describes Jesus as, “son of Mary” as opposed to Mary being called “mother of Jesus.” Maryam (Mary) is held in such high esteem that a chapter of the Quran is named after her.
The Quran classifies many women beyond motherhood and highlights them as role models for humankind. Thus, being a mother of many children and a mother of nations is directly connected in Islam and therefore, motherhood can itself be a public act, even a political one.
Daisy Khan is an award-winning speaker, author, activist, commentator, and the founder of Women’s Islamic Initiative in Spirituality and Equality (WISE), the largest global network of Muslim women committed to peacebuilding, gender equality, and human dignity. Formerly, Khan served as Executive Director of American Society for Muslim Advancement for eighteen years, where she was hailed as a bridge builder for promoting cultural and religious harmony through groundbreaking intra faith programs like Muslim Leaders of Tomorrow and inter-faith arts programs like Same Difference, Cordoba Bread Fest.
Chelsea Langston Bombino is a believer in sacred communities, a wife, and a mother. She serves as a program officer with the Fetzer Institute and a fellow with the Center for Public Justice.
READ MORE FROM THIS SERIES
Introducing Religious Freedom Reframed by Joshua Seiersen and Chelsea Langston Bombino
The Paradox of the Black Church and Religious Freedom by Jacqueline C. Rivers, Ph.D.
Religious Freedom Reframed: A Conversation with the Next Generation by Minister Kerwin Webb
Correcting Blindness in the Religious Freedom Landscape by Joshua Seiersen
Religious Freedom to End Human Trafficking by Rev. Dr. Denise Strothers
The Nation’s Mosque: Embodying Love Across Difference by Imam Talib Shareef, Brother Albert, Ismail Royer, and Chelsea Langston Bombino
American Identity Reframed by Amar D. Peterman
The Birth of an Islamic Spiritual Movement for Women’s Rights: An Interview with Daisy Khan by Daisy Khan and Chelsea Langston Bombino
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